dear humanity

why must all of you use up the self-checkout lines when you have carts overflowing with 1001 items? i know you were probably a grocery bagger in your youth, but the glory days are over. and really? you are trying to buy a tv through self-checkout? and you, over there, you think NOW is a good time to let your 3 year old scan all his own candy bars? come on folks, let's leave the self-checkouts for those unfortunate people who are clutching several embarrassing items and keep running into people from their parents old ward who very non-discreetly check out the items while they try to hide / camoflauge them with their other embarrassing items while trying not to look like a shoplifter and their face, which has always betrayed them in a second, turns 4o shades of red. because i really would be ok with a few less awkward moments in my life.

this is the post where i explain what it means to "fly by the seat of your pants"

so the phrase actually doesn't apply. i thought it did, but then i looked it up. the phrase which best describes this semester would be "by the skin of my teeth." but i'm sure you can imagine what images those brought up.

one of the highlights of this week was when i found out the semester ended on wednesday, not friday. whoops. mild state of panic. it meant i had to take my independent study midterm tuesday (same day of this blessed epiphany ) instead of thursday so i could take the final wednesday instead of friday. zero prep. not a big deal, since everything was open book. i did the assignments and midterm by looking up every single answer. (not exactly proud of this, but little time = little effort)

i waltzed into the testing center this morning with my fat lard history of modern art book to take the final.

testing center girl (wearing a headset. this is important) : "fill out the scantron and don't write on the test. there is no time limit. and the exam is closed book."

no. way.

me, after a semi- cardiac arrest: "what???"

headset girl: "closed book. that means you can't use your book." (and she gets a headset why?)

me: "haha, oh yeah. ok. cool. closed book. i just brought it in case." LIE. complete and utter lie. i should have begged. oh please have mercy on a dumb blonde who can't read the fine print.

CLOSED BOOK?!? how did i miss that crucial tidbit of information in the course? OH MAN. i am toast. because you have to pass the final to pass the class. i started the test. the awful kind of multiple choice where A-D are options, E is all of the above, F is none, G is A and C, H is you shouldn't even try because you know nothing... out of 80 questions, i felt confident i knew 18ish. so i guessed. and then i turned it in. and held my breath while it was graded. they handed the results back to me.

i have never been so happy to see a D- in my entire life.

if i had missed one more i would have failed. because cutting it close is fun, right? (and still got a B in the class!)

have you seen this?

watch it.

girleffect.org

once upon a time...

there was a really awesome girl named sara.

who suffered from short term memory.

one day she signed up for an independent study class.

and then forgot about it.

until one day she received an email reminding her that the coursework was due.

in three weeks.

and then she remembered.

and cursed her over-achieving-january-beginning-of-a-new-year-i-am-going-to -be-so- accomplished-self.

once the class is done, and my bfa review portfolio is turned in, and the salt water taffy stash is replenished i will write an awesome post about all of the wonderful things that have happened in the last month.

until then, long live wikipedia and mrs. shelton for teaching me how to speed read.